Why Autistic People Need to Prioritize Self-Care

It’s easy to confuse different types of fatigue. First, there’s physical exhaustion, which can manifest as brain fog, sleepiness, muscle aches, and similar symptoms. Another type is mental fatigue. Since autism often involves difficulties with automatic processing – meaning autistic individuals rely on factual memory for activities that others perform automatically – we are often forced to overexert ourselves in daily life. Combined with the sensory sensitivities that often come with autism, it’s easy to understand why many of us experience mental fatigue.

Autism Is Not An Illness

The truth is, anyone would become exhausted living with the cognitive demands of autism, especially while constantly facing misinterpretations and inappropriate responses. My doctor pointed out that mental exhaustion is a natural consequence of autistic cognitive functioning, differentiating autism from physical illnesses. There’s ample research supporting the idea that autistic individuals, as a group, exhibit brain differences. This strengthens the argument that autistic mental exhaustion, after a thorough assessment, isn’t due to an underlying illness but rather to a different way of thinking rooted in those brain differences.

You Shouldn’t Feel Guilty

Many autistic people wonder what they should prioritize in life, as their mental energy isn’t sufficient for everything. My answer is: yourself! Of course, if you have young children, prioritizing yourself isn’t always possible, but otherwise, there’s no reason to believe you “should” be able to manage anything specific. I’ve noticed that many autistic people struggle with not having enough energy to prioritize others, and then feel guilty about it. I used to feel that way too, but now I know better.

You Don’t Have To Please Others

Let me explain. Whose sake are you serving when you try to meet others’ expectations? Is it your own, or are other people simply expecting it? If you genuinely want to participate in social events for your own enjoyment, I understand that a lack of energy for socializing can be a problem, but not otherwise. You should never expect anything of others that you can’t deliver yourself, so why feel guilty for declining an invitation to a family gathering or coffee with friends? You have no obligation to please others!

It’s Not A Problem For Me

Some people who don’t understand see it as a problem that I don’t have the energy to go to after-work gatherings or meet new people. But the fact is, it’s not a problem for me! I don’t enjoy after-work events or other social gatherings, and I have no interest in meeting new people – I’m not particularly socially inclined. I’m not a misanthrope, just an introvert! And since I don’t find being social enjoyable, it’s natural that these types of activities drain my energy, isn’t it? The most important thing is that I have enough energy for my special interests!

Prioritize Yourself

If you’re helping your autistic loved one understand their energy levels, be aware of the difference between physical and mental fatigue. The fact that an autistic person feels mentally tired and needs time to recover is part of autism and shouldn’t be seen as a problem, as long as the person is doing well. If an autistic individual doesn’t feel a need to participate in social settings, it’s perfectly fine if they lack the energy for those activities. The most important thing is that the autistic person has the time and opportunity to prioritize themselves.

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Please reach out to me via the contact form if you’d like to book me for a lecture on autism or an interview about my life with autism. You can find more information about me and my lectures here.

Don’t be afraid to reach out for help if life feels hopeless! Here’s a list of helplines and phone support services in the US you can contact if you need assistance. For people outside the US this page lists helplines for people in need of immediate mental help support during a mental health crisis.