The Myth of the Autistic Personality

Have you ever wondered who you really are and how your life ended up the way it did? Lately, I found myself reflecting on exactly that, and it sparked a great idea for my next blog series! Over the coming weeks, I’ll be sharing a series of posts about personality. I will write how personality influences our choices, life and relationships. Stay tuned: in the next few weeks, I will publish blog posts about this topic once a week!

Personality shapes life

The Swedish psychiatrist Anders Hansen argues that it’s not life that shapes your personality, but rather personality that shapes life! When I was younger, I thought it was the other way around, but today I know that’s not the case. Of course, I’m sure my life experiences have made me the person I am and have caused me to react in certain ways in different situations, but I still understand what Hansen means. For example, two people with similar upbringings can still have vastly different life approaches.

It’s No Coincidence

I used to surround myself with toxic friends who took advantage of me. Looking back, I realize this wasn’t a coincidence: my overly friendly nature and openness naturally drew me to those situations. While this doesn’t excuse how I was treated, understanding the pattern was liberating. Instead of changing my personality, I learned to recognize these recurring behaviors and make conscious choices to protect myself.

We Autistic People Aren’t Accepted

Hansen points out that it’s important to accept your personality and use your strengths instead of trying to be someone you’re not, and that’s so well said! Especially those of us on the spectrum can be accustomed to trying to be someone we’re not and changing our personalities because we often differ from the norm more than the average person and therefore aren’t accepted as we are. I deeply regret spending years trying to become “normal”: forcing myself into disliked hobbies, prioritizing socialness over structure, and silencing my authentic self. Understanding my autism’s diversity has been liberating.

I Didn’t Know Who I Was

To be fair, I had no clue who I was—partly due to my upbringing. As a child, refusing activities others loved earned me criticism like, “You’re just afraid” or “You’ll change later.” I internalized this feedback, assuming adults knew better than me. This is why I spent years ignoring my true self, even altering my behavior depending on who I was with.

The Five-Factor Theory is Relevant

So, what is personality? While many theories exist, the Big Five (openness, conscientiousness, extraversion, agreeableness, neuroticism) has been the most validated model since the 1990s. Remember the acronym OCEAN to simplify: O stands for Openness, C for Conscientiousness, E for Extraversion, A for Agreeableness, and N for Neuroticism.

We All Have These Traits

Personality assessments measure how much we exhibit each trait—you can be highly open but low in conscientiousness, for example. Personality isn’t about “either/or”: most of us fall somewhere on all five scales. This is why conflicts arise: an extremely conscientious person might frustrate a careless one, and vice versa.

There is No Autistic Personality

A major myth is that autism equals a specific personality type. The stereotype? Autistic people are closed-off, hyper-conscientious, introverted, unfriendly, and high-neuroticism. This could not be further from the truth. Sadly, this misconception has left many autistic people undiagnosed because they don’t fit the “rigid” stereotype (e.g., friendly/carefree autistic folks). Autism exists across all personality types.

There Will Be More Blog Posts

Over the next weeks, I’ll dive into each of the Big Five traits. Before next time, ask yourself: Which traits do I naturally embody and which ones am I trying too hard to be? See you then!

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Please reach out to me via the contact form if you’d like to book me for a lecture on autism or an interview about my life with autism. You can find more information about me and my lectures here.

Don’t be afraid to reach out for help if life feels hopeless! Here’s a list of helplines and phone support services in the US you can contact if you need assistance. For people outside the US this page lists helplines for people in need of immediate mental help support during a mental health crisis.