As autistic people, our facial expressions, gestures, and body language can differ from those of neurotypical individuals, often leading to misunderstandings. I experienced this firsthand, but receiving my autism diagnosis as a child helped me understand why. I used to think autistic people were the only ones who misunderstood others. It wasn’t until I learned more about autism that I realized we often have atypical body language, and that misunderstandings can go both ways.
Some Autistic People Appear Frowning
There’s a lot of variety within the autistic community. Some people are perceived as angry, sullen, sad, uninterested, or negative simply because they naturally have a frowning or sad expression. These individuals may struggle to make friends because they don’t know how to convey happiness and positivity. They can be incredibly joyful and content internally, but don’t know how to show that through their body language.
Wanting to Be Polite and Friendly
Then there are autistic people like me: those of us who smile and appear positive, happy, and friendly. Unfortunately, this can lead others to believe we want to become close friends with everyone, or even that we’re flirting. I’ve often had women assume I was signaling friendship, and men have interpreted my behavior as flirtation. It’s been really tough—I want to be friendly towards everyone, but I don’t want to be close friends with everyone, nor am I romantically interested in everyone! I’ve struggled to learn how to show politeness and friendliness without implying I’m seeking a deeper connection.
Extremely Introverted
This has been particularly challenging since I started working as an autism speaker. Many people want to connect with me because they recognize themselves in my lectures, books, and blog. I enjoy chatting with audience members after presentations, but I’ve had to disappoint a lot of people by setting boundaries and explaining that I’m not interested in personal contact. It’s nothing personal, but I’m extremely introverted and cherish my alone time. Yet, for some reason, I often come across as extroverted, which I suspect is due to my body language. Appearing extroverted and social can be helpful when making new friends, but it’s a disadvantage when you’re an introvert who needs space!
Even Neurotypicals Can Be Misunderstood
Finally, it’s worth noting that it’s not just autistic women who encounter unwanted romantic attention. Some people are eager to find a partner, and when that’s the case, they might interpret kindness as romantic interest. So, while we autistic people are often misunderstood, neurotypical people can also be subject to misinterpretations!
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If You Need Emotional Support
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