In my last blog post, I discussed how those of us with autism aren’t necessarily afraid of the unknown – despite common assumptions. As I explained, there’s not always a reason to fear what you don’t know. However, if you’ve had negative experiences in a familiar situation, it’s perfectly reasonable to feel anxious, because you anticipate something unpleasant happening again. For example, I get anxious about certain medical exams knowing the sensory experience will be overwhelming.
The Higher Stakes
I recently received a really insightful comment on that post. The commenter pointed out that for autistic people, the risk of encountering something unpleasant is often much higher than it is for neurotypical individuals. And they’re absolutely right! We’re often prone to sensory overload, social exhaustion, or finding ourselves in situations where we feel completely out of place and pressured to participate in things we dislike. Sometimes, the situation itself is simply incomprehensible because we lack the necessary skills. When faced with an unfamiliar situation, and we have no idea what to expect, it’s natural to worry about those potential risks.
Not Wanting to Impose
I’ve had some tough experiences with studying in the past – it wasn’t usually the subject matter itself that was the challenge, but the other skills I was expected to have. Like many autistic people, I have an uneven cognitive profile. When I took a course at Stockholm University, the problem wasn’t the course content; it was finding the correct lecture hall and making a name tag. I struggled with even folding the name tag so it would stand up, and asking for help can be difficult – I often need a demonstration multiple times before it clicks. I really don’t want to be a burden.
Just a Lucky Break
Later in life, when I started another course, I was worried because of my previous negative experiences. But this time, it went surprisingly well! I was told I’d worried unnecessarily, but that wasn’t entirely true. The only reason it was smooth sailing was because I received support, including a classmate helping me find the lecture hall. I also didn’t have to make name tags. However, I couldn’t know beforehand if the support would actually work, or if the instructor would again expect me to create a paper name tag. The success felt like a coincidence, and that’s unsettling because it might not happen again.
Asking for Clarity
When I applied for the second year of the information course at Ågesta Folk High School (where I was training to be an autism advocate), I wanted a very clear understanding of what the course would involve before I committed. So, I asked a lot of detailed questions. While some might see that as typical autistic behavior – wanting to know everything in advance – in my case, it was because I’d learned in the first year that I couldn’t cope with communal activity days, field trips, and similar events. They were simply too overwhelming. To study effectively, I needed to skip those outings and focus on developing my skills as an autism speaker – which was the true focus of the course.
It’s About Risk Assessment, For Everyone
I’d argue that any neurotypical person would ask plenty of questions if they faced potential negative consequences. You wouldn’t rent an apartment without knowing the monthly rent, the notice period, or whether the lease is fixed-term. Exposing yourself to unnecessary risk is simply foolish! I approach things the same way. If I suspect I might encounter negative experiences – whether physical (like unpleasant sensory input) or psychological (like unreasonable demands) – I need to ask questions to protect myself. Just like a person in a wheelchair would likely avoid inaccessible environments, I need to consider my autism in my daily life.
Some of Us Truly Dislike Surprises
That said, it’s important to remember that some autistic people do need to know everything in advance, regardless of the situation, because their brains struggle with sudden changes. While some of us simply dislike surprises, it’s crucial to remember there’s often a deeper reason why an autistic person needs to have all the details beforehand.
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If You Need Emotional Support
Don’t be afraid to reach out for help if life feels hopeless! Here’s a list of helplines and phone support services in the US you can contact if you need assistance. For people outside the US this page lists helplines for people in need of immediate mental help support during a mental health crisis.