Autism Reveals Invisible Struggles

Some people believe autistic individuals exaggerate when talking about their challenges. Statements like “I don’t want to live anymore if I have to use public transport” or “I’d rather die than make a phone call” are often met with skepticism. What’s worse is that some people have stopped listening to us, feeling we’re being unnecessarily dramatic.

Dismissing Our Difficulties

It’s easy to dismiss strong statements, but it’s important to remember you can never truly understand what someone else is experiencing. When autistic people say things like “I’d rather die than use public transport” or “a phone call is unbearable,” it’s often met with skepticism. Sadly, some people have simply stopped taking us seriously, assuming we’re being dramatic.

Autistic Individuals and Suicide Risk

Autistic people are disproportionately represented in suicide statistics, particularly autistic women and those with ADHD who don’t have an intellectual disability. It’s hard to pinpoint the exact reasons, but I often wonder if it’s because we’re frequently perceived as socially capable and “high-functioning.” This can lead to unrealistic expectations and incredibly challenging lives. I’m not saying this directly causes suicidal thoughts, but as an autistic woman, I know how draining those expectations can be, and a connection feels plausible.

I’d Rather Die, Honestly

There are genuinely things linked to my autism that I’d rather face death than experience – and I’m not exaggerating. Recently, I shared my difficult experience with a colonoscopy, a necessary cancer screening. Even with sedation, due to my tactile sensitivities, it was profoundly traumatic. I’d honestly rather risk developing bowel cancer than endure a similar examination, especially with that particular laxative. I’m extremely sensitive to taste, and forcing it down was literally torture, even with a straw and throat lozenges. I know it sounds dramatic, but I mean it sincerely. I don’t want to die, but certain experiences feel insurmountable.

Not All Challenges Are Life-or-Death

However, not all autism-related challenges are life-or-death. I used to be required to attend in-person work meetings once or twice a month. These meetings negatively impacted my well-being and left me feeling down, but they never led to suicidal thoughts. Different challenges clearly carry different levels of severity. I’d happily avoid those meetings altogether – they made me feel awful – but I survived. They didn’t push me to the point of considering suicide, but they certainly made me feel unwell.

A Functioning Life, But…

However, if I were simultaneously dealing with multiple difficult challenges – like problems with my housing support and those mandatory meetings – it’s entirely possible I’d develop mental health problems and have suicidal thoughts again. The frequent meetings would definitely contribute to my mental health in that situation. The more exhausting challenges you face, the fewer resources you have to cope. So, while the meetings weren’t enough to cause suicidal thoughts on their own, they could have if my circumstances were different.

I’m Extremely Introverted

Of course, other people have their own challenges. We recently lived through a COVID pandemic. I essentially isolated myself completely for a year and a half, except for those initial work meetings. And as you may know from my blog, I’m incredibly introverted – I genuinely love being alone and don’t need social interaction to feel good. Social events can be unpleasant, but they never leave me feeling lonely! This is often difficult for neurotypical people to understand, but it’s just how my brain is wired. For me, the pandemic restrictions were actually…okay.

I Felt a Bit Resentful

While I was managing well, I read countless articles where psychologists and researchers warned about the consequences of isolation. They rightly pointed out it could increase the risk of mental health problems. I appreciated the warning, even though it didn’t affect me personally, but I couldn’t help but feel a little resentful. Why? Because when autistic people express our difficulties, they’re often dismissed with comments like “it’s not that bad” or “you should see this as a challenge.” But when people without disabilities are affected, it’s suddenly considered a major problem.

I Feel Just as Bad

But the truth is, I feel just as distressed by involuntary social exposure as others felt about involuntary isolation during the pandemic! Yet, it’s considered dramatic for me to describe my autism-related challenges as a significant risk to my mental health and a potential factor in increased suicide risk. Imagine if an extroverted person was forced into long-term isolation, and I responded with, “But it’s just a challenge, you can handle it since you haven’t ended your life!”

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Don’t be afraid to reach out for help if life feels hopeless! Here’s a list of helplines and phone support services in the US you can contact if you need assistance. For people outside the US this page lists helplines for people in need of immediate mental help support during a mental health crisis.