One of my blog readers recently shared a really insightful thought. They were pondering why they often say that autistic people are scared of the unknown, and asked a great question: why should we be afraid of the unknown? After all, you can’t possibly know what that experience will be like! It’s only when you’ve lived through something that you have a legitimate reason to be cautious.
Seriously, Best Thing I’ve Read All Week
Seriously, that was one of the best things I’ve read in ages! Thanks – it’s brilliantly put. I often hear autistic people told that we worry unnecessarily, that we don’t need to fear the unknown. But honestly, my worries are rarely unfounded. There are just so many examples to prove me right. It took me a long time to understand that my autism includes sensory sensitivities, which is why certain medical exams fill me with dread. I know they’re going to be intensely uncomfortable physically, and that gives me a perfectly valid reason to be anxious.
Dental Fears, Gone!
I recently shared about my dental phobia, which has gotten worse over the years. That’s because the sensory experience is awful, and my body just can’t cope. Especially when I was going to the hygienist frequently, the unpleasantness was still fresh in my mind. But I switched dental practices, and now I’m getting a numbing agent that actually works, and honestly, my dental fear has just… disappeared! It wasn’t exposure therapy that helped; it was simply removing the sensory discomfort. It was that simple!
And I Also Have a Phobia of Vomiting
As you guys know, I also struggle with emetophobia—a fear of vomiting—and it’s because the experience of throwing up is just so overwhelmingly unpleasant for me. One of my readers suggested my emetophobia might not even be a traditional phobia, but rather an expression of sensory overload. They pointed out that vomiting is unpleasant for everyone, and if you amplify that discomfort, it makes perfect sense that it would lead to a fear of being sick. And they’re so right!
I’d Rather Just… Not
The last time I actually threw up was in 1997—and it was so awful, I honestly just wanted to disappear. After that, I went years and years without getting sick. The further I got from that experience, the less scared I was, because I’d almost forgotten how terrible it felt. But then I got sick in spring 2022. I was heaving, but not actually bringing anything up, and that was a stark reminder that even the feeling of nausea and trying to vomit is so sensorially overwhelming, I’d honestly rather die than go through that again. (I know, it sounds dramatic, but that’s how it feels!)
I Know What Vomiting Feels Like
After that “reminder,” I was terrified again, but then I was prescribed Ondansetron (for those who don’t know, that’s a medication that stops the vomiting reflex, and therefore prevents you from throwing up!). That really lessened my fear of getting sick again. Now I know that (hopefully) I’ll be able to avoid actually vomiting if I do get sick. Since it’s no longer an unknown – I experienced it a few years ago – it made sense for me to get preventative medication. Again, it’s not about being afraid of the unknown; it’s about knowing exactly how awful it feels.
It’s Self-Awareness
And it’s the same with almost everything. When I was 18, I wasn’t scared at all about going to Canada as an exchange student, living with a host family, and going to a Canadian high school where I knew no one. It was unknown, but before I left, I just thought it was exciting. I wasn’t afraid to go to Austria as an au pair at 20 either. The reason I wasn’t scared was because it was all new to me – I didn’t know what to expect! But it didn’t go well; I was deeply unhappy and had a hard time adjusting to different families, and I had to move a lot. Today, I know I have autism (which I didn’t know back then), and I would never dream of doing something like that again. I call that life experience and self-awareness. I know my limits!
Feeling Calm
I’m getting an MRI on Monday. And I’m not scared because it’s unknown! I’ve never had one before. I’ve read it shouldn’t hurt, and I also don’t have claustrophobia. But if I did happen to find the experience physically uncomfortable, I would be worried if I needed to have another one. But because it’s a new experience, I’m feeling relatively calm.
I Know It’s Uncomfortable
You probably get my point. People often say the reason autistic individuals are fearful is because we don’t know what’s going to happen, and it’s the uncertainty that scares us. That can absolutely be true sometimes, but it’s important to remember that fear of the unknown isn’t always the cause of an autistic person’s anxiety. Sometimes, it’s quite the opposite: the only reason an autistic person is scared and worried is because they’ve been through it before and know it’s going to be intensely sensory or emotionally overwhelming!
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