Many people ask me for advice on babysitting autistic children. Here are my top tips, based on experience.
1. Understand That Autism Is a Spectrum
Autism is a broad spectrum that encompasses a diverse range of challenges and strengths. No two autistic individuals are alike! So, don’t make the mistake of comparing an autistic child to other other autistic children, even if they share the same diagnosis. This child may have entirely different difficulties, strengths, and personality traits than other autistic kids you have met. Treat him/her as an individual and get to know his/her needs!
2. Get to Know the Child in Advance
Many children with autism thrive on predictability. If the boy doesn’t know you beforehand and you just show up unexpectedly, he risks becoming scared and stressed. Therefore, it’s a good idea if you and your friend, who will be helping with the babysitting, meet the boy a few times before you actually sit for him. Tell him what activities you’ll be doing together during the day, and feel free to show him pictures! Just be sure to check that the boy actually enjoys the activities you’re planning.
3. Respect the Child’s Routines
Ask the boy’s parents about his typical daily pattern, and follow these routines as much as possible! Routines often provide autistic children with a sense of security. Remember that even small details can be very important. If the boy is used to drinking a glass of water from his favorite cup before meals, it’s important to follow that routine instead of offering water after the meal from a different glass.
4. Use Clear Communication
Don’t expect an autistic child to understand that “it would be nice if you came here now” actually means “I want you to come here now.” Children with autism may also have a hard time grasping concepts like “soon” and “later.” What do they really mean? “Later” could mean anything from in a minute to in ten hours or next week. If the child can tell time and has a good sense of time (which isn’t necessarily the case), you could say instead: “at three o’clock.” Pictures and visual aids should also be used in many cases to create clarity. If you ask him if you’re going to a playground, he might not know what that means unless you first show him pictures of a playground!
5. Minimize Sensory Challenges
Keep in mind that children with autism can be sensitive to sensory input. They can feel really bad if someone, for example, chews gum (due to the sound), wears very brightly colored clothes, uses strong perfume, or something similar. They might not want to play in a playground next to a busy road because the noise from passing cars can be overwhelming. I myself was scared as a child when adults tried to help me put on my outerwear. I’d run away and hide. I wasn’t running to be mischievous, but to avoid the sensory discomfort of getting dressed!
6. Respond with a Low Arousal Approach
If the autistic child angry, starts screaming, or becomes violent, respond with a low-key approach! Remember that challenging behavior can occur when a child with autism feels overwhelmed and can’t communicate their frustration in another way. An autistic child may not always be able to explain in words what the problem is, and therefore may have no other option than to start fighting and throwing things. Try to figure out what’s upsetting him and fix the situation. Never argue with him, but step back and let him calm down.
7. Respect the Child’s Special Interests
For those of us with autism, special interests can be a form of relaxation. If the boy has been occupied with the same activity for several hours and you wonder if everything is okay, ask him if he’d like to switch activities sometime! If he doesn’t want to, respect that. Sometimes autistic children have motor stereotypies instead of special interests. I used to spin my fingers around the hair of my favorite My Little Pony and then let the hair go. Then I’d do it again and again, and could keep doing it for hours! Adults thought it was a pointless activity, but for me, it was calming. So don’t worry if his interests and activities seem very limited.
8. And Speaking of Interests…
Understand that an autistic child can have completely different interests than neurotypical children – that is, children without autism. So it’s not always just the extent of the interest that can differentiate an autistic child from a neurotypical child, but also what the child is interested in. A person with autism may have completely different priorities than most other people, writes autism researcher Lorna Wing in her book. I hated drawing and crafting as a child, but was forced to do it because “all children should enjoy drawing and crafting.” I really hated it! And as an adult, I still hate it just as much. It’s a huge limitation to be forced to engage in activities you hate in your free time, especially if you’re a helpless little child!
9. Be Cautious With Body Language
Remember that a child with autism may not always be able to read the body language of those around them. If other people suddenly change their facial expressions and gestures, it can feel scary to an autistic person who doesn’t always understand others’ intentions. I myself was afraid of smiling people as a child because I thought smiling faces looked threatening!
Similarly, you should be careful about drawing your own conclusions by trying to read messages into the child’s body language. If you think the child looks angry or sad, it doesn’t necessarily mean he is angry or sad. The child might just be super focused! Likewise, you can’t expect him to be happy when he smiles. I suffered from anxiety as a teenager, but wasn’t believed because “I always looked so happy and cheerful”!
10. Be Mindful When Giving Praise
It’s very important that you convey to the child that he/she is good enough as he/she is, even if the child sometimes chooses to do things differently than other children. I was taught as a child that you were less worthy if you said no to social activities and games with other children. Therefore, I started taking the initiative to connect and play, and then I received praise from those around me! The problem was that I wasn’t interested in social contact at school, but wanted to be left alone during recess. Make sure that the child’s choices of activities and games are driven by intrinsic motivation – that is, that he has chosen the activities/games for his/her own sake and not just to get praise from you!
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